Facing Reality

It took me a very long time to actually get the courage to publish this post.  Not exactly sure why, as it’s been written for months but then I came to the one and only conclusion that makes sense to me.  It has taken these many months to accept the fact that I now have this disorder and my life is going to have to change to get myself back to good health. That my life is forever different, I now have a pre-existing condition, I check off that box, *uck!   At least now I know why I was feeling like shit all the time. We know what’s wrong now, let’s fix me.

Sleep Apnea Disorder

The underlying culprit,  sleep apnea. The doctors believe based on my medical history, current condition, and due to being untreated & undiagnosed, I have been progressively gotten worse and worse over time. Sleep..the wrong quality sleep. Never even crossed my mind that the way I was feeling during the day was related to how my sleep at night was.  There are many different types of sleep apnea disorders and my diagnosis is that of severe obstructive sleep. Apnea = “without breath”, obstructive sleep apnea is an obstruction in the airway. What that means is that I stop breathing during my sleep, the severity of that diagnosis means it happens a lot. That’s some scary AF shit.

Trying to Breathe

My gasping at night was my body waking itself up and saying breathe! My body does not sleep/ rest properly and it’s has been causing a shitload of problems for my body, my ignoring the has only made it  worse. The night of my  first test s I had many “events” of combined both hypopnea and apneas, the longest I  would stop breathing for 68 seconds at a time, I can’t even do that awake! The headaches was my body’s response to the carbon dioxide swirling around in my brain. That double chin and fat neck I carried around and the heavy girls on top, the excess in the middle all of it, all of me contribute to OSA. The doctor explained  more on my OSA diagnosis. My head aka skull,face structure, neck, tongue length all contribute to my oropharyngeal airway collapses, I am made very narrow. I could most likely lose a shitload of weight be skinny and still have sleep apnea. It’s how this body is built.  On the checklist of things you needed to be experiencing  to be diagnosed with OSA, I had them all. Worse not only did I have them but testing showed that I was in the highest severe category . In order to be diagnosed “severe” upwards of  30+ events, my number 687 ****!!  Talk about a complete klusterfuck.  My complete cessation of breathing overtime has not only  affected my breathing, but worse the actual oxygenation levels in my body. My body has been working in overdrive for so long, it could have just given out.  So for years of the loud snoring, the waking up through the night, being so tired that it had affected my day to day, the tossing and turning, the daytime naps all had an explanation. What I thought was normal of falling asleep in a car, train or having to nap in between the day was signs that something seriously wrong and I didn’t pay attention until this started to impairing my day to day life, my behavior, oh the headaches, hormones sadness, depression, my dark circles, the moods, night sweats, dry mouth,nasal congestion the brain fog, the falling asleep and being tired and lacking energy, it all had an explanation.   The solution, the main thing aside from other medications, is a CPAP machine.  A machine that allows for continuous air pressure to be administered via a mask so that it keeps the airway open while sleeping.  So now we knew what was going on, and what we were going to do to get me breathing and getting some quality sleep again.


Lady Parts can be Complicated

I also became another statistic this day, one on lady parts. Test results came back showing the need to have ovarian cysts removed and that this would be scheduled asap.My danger, the size of the cysts on the ovary on the fallopian tubes started to twist. The pain I was in apparently was just the beginning, that if at any time I had started to vomit it would have been signs that blood supply was being cut off to these organs inside my body. Klusterfuck! One of the only positive news is that results came back negative as to the type and they were noncancerous tumors. I was scheduled for a follow up testing to prep for surgery. 

To top things off the results some of the other testings we had done, things did not look good. I was given a prescription list that was the longest I had ever received, a total of 12  different pills to get my body to where it had to be. Holy shit!   

I remember laughing out loud when the nurse told me sternly get some rest. Ya right, like that, was easy given the diagnosis of OSA just received. I was now part of a unique club of some 42 million adults who suffer from sleep-disordered breathing, sleep apnea. More to come…